You Love Me
by JJJJA
Summary: This is a conversation between Toby and Happy at the conclusion of 1x20. Toby finally understands the extent of the pain he has caused Happy in missing their date.


They were back at the garage after the case and Toby was watching Happy put away her laptop and collect her things to go. He walked over to her, sensing that his window for a quick reconciliation was nearly gone. If he didn't act now it could be months or even years to rebuild her trust.

"Happy, before you go . . . please, I'd really like to talk."

Happy sighed without looking up and put down her bag. She nodded and said, "OK. But I don't want to rehash this again and again. We can talk now. It's a one-time deal. And then I don't want you to ever mention it again." Her eyes met his looking for confirmation of her terms.

Toby nodded vigorously, "That's fair." He pointed in the direction of a couple chairs further back in the garage away from the others. Happy led the way and sat down stiffly. She pushed her palms across her knees and flexed her fingers. Toby watched her movements closely and decided she seemed nervous. Or maybe she was agitated. Darn, she was so hard to read sometimes.

He sat down and leaned forward making eye contact. "Happy, I'm so, so sorry about last night. I know I really blew it. I know I let you down."

"You did let me down. I waited for you. I got dressed up." Happy remembered how she'd felt: sexy and pretty, and she never felt pretty. Unless, he was looking at her, of course. The way he'd look at her even with her hair pulled back and grease all over her hands always made her feel special. She'd so wanted Toby to see her in that dress. She had bought it thinking of him. She'd imagined his surprise. Maybe he'd have stared or made nervous compliments. She imagined him taking furtive glances at her breasts during their dinner. She'd wanted to make Toby want her.

"I know." Toby admitted, "I hacked into the restaurant's security feed this morning. You looked so amazing! That dress . . . " He paused, at a loss for words. "You are so beautiful . . . I wish I'd been there. I wish I wasn't such an idiot."

Happy felt a little redeemed. So the shrink had seen what he'd missed out on. Good. "So you watched the security footage, huh? Did you watch the clock, too? Did you see me sitting there . . . alone . . . for nearly 2 hours?"

"Yes." he replied weakly

"It was embarrassing. I wanted to look nice for you. I went and bought a dress. I bought perfume. I bought new underwear. Do you know how long it took me to get ready? I was actually feeling excited."

At Happy's mention of underwear Toby inhaled sharply. "Why did you buy new underwear?"

Happy ignored him and continued, "At first, when you were a little late I thought it was kinda cute . . . that you were probably nervous about how you looked and were taking longer than normal."

"Why did you buy underwear?"

"Focus, Doc!" Happy went on "And then, when you were significantly late, I started to worry about you."

"Why did you buy underwear, Happy? Were you going to sleep with me?" Toby choked out his breathing starting to sound rough.

"I was actually worried about you. Maybe you'd gotten in an accident. Maybe you were hurt. No way would you stand me up, I thought. No way would you be a no show after professing your love for me."

"Happy Quinn!" Toby nearly shouted," . . . please! Answer my question." Happy stopped talking and looked at Toby. He couldn't believe this. It was a first date. He hadn't even considered sex an option. With all of Happy's insecurities and trust issues Toby had expected it to take months for their relationship to evolve to that level. Could she really have wanted that?

"Happy . . . . Were you planning to make love to me last night?" Toby asked desperately. He watched as her eyes filled with tears and she looked away. He could see her jaw muscle tense and knew she was gritting her teeth to keep from crying.

"That ship has sailed, Doc" Happy said in a low voice. When she met his eyes again her own were dry.

Toby felt his stomach drop out and closed his eyes. He was finally understanding the full extent of the pain he had caused her. It hadn't been just a date. Or even a really important first date. Not to Happy. Happy had been willing to give herself to him. She was prepared to be vulnerable and open with him emotionally and physically. And then he never showed up. Toby understood her anger now and her pain. His chest muscles started to constrict and he was filled with self-loathing.

He almost had it all. He thought of it now, as he had so many times before. Holding Happy close, skin to skin. He had imagined making love to her a hundred times. Stroking her hair. Kissing her lips. Looking at her body. He'd even imagined the noises she's make and how she would respond to his touch.

Without thinking he reached out to her and pulled her close into his chest. He had one arm wrapped around her waist and the other behind her head stoking her black hair. "Forgive me Happy. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Toby repeated the words half a dozen times before Happy started to struggle.

She was really crying now. The tears running down her cheeks. She landed a solid blow to his ribs and he let go. "Don't ever touch me again. I hate you!" She spat out. Happy grabbed her bag and fled the garage. Toby watched from the window as she climbed on her motorcycle. She was sobbing now. He could see her shoulders shaking and watched as she wiped her eyes with her sleeves. After a moment she straightened her back, armor on, and put on her helmet.

Toby watched her drive away. "No, you don't." He said to himself. "You don't hate me. You love me."


End file.
